Vegeta tries to pwn YGO
by SpangleBangle
Summary: Cracky fun. What happens when Vegeta and Nappa visit Earth this time? Set in the Abridged worlds created by LittleKuriboh and TeamFourStar. I own nothing. Rated for bad language.


Pure fun, set in the abridged worlds of YuGiOh and DragonBallZ, created by LittleKuriboh and TeamFourStar respectively. Very cracky, frequent bad language. Clashshipping, Chaseshipping and Nappa x Vegeta.  
>Not even any lemon. I must not be feeling well...<p>

All YuGiOh characters (c) Kazuki Takahashi, all DragonBallZ characters (c) Akira Toriama. I own absolutely nothing.

* * *

><p><em>On set. <em>

Seto casually threw his dart. Ryou squeaked and closed his eyes in fright as the dart thunked solidly next to his ear, on the Blue Eyes White Dragon Card pinned to the wall.

"Good shot, big brother!" Mokuba exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement. Seto glanced down and didn't even bother to tell him to shut up. Sometimes a look said it all for you.

Marik threw next, scoring Revival Jam by Ryou's knee. Ryou pulled half-heartedly against the rags holding him pinned against the wall with cards tacked around his limbs.

"I say, chaps, this is all very fun and whatnot, but I think I'm needed in shot soon…" he said feebly, and was ignored.

Yami lined up his shot and hit the Dark Magician, smirking in satisfaction. Yugi looked troubled at Ryou's predicament but not nearly enough not to throw his dart, striking Kuriboh right in his fluffy face, by Ryou's elbow.

Bakura came in, a newspaper tucked under his arm, and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his hikari pinioned to the wall with Marik's rags, cards tacked around his body and the others playing set-darts Robin-Hood style around him.

"What the bloody hell are you wankers _doing_?" he exclaimed, throwing his newspaper at the darts players angrily and going to release Ryou from his bonds.

"Playing cards," Yami shrugged. "What does it look like? Oh and be careful, you'll set the fangirls off."

Bakura and Ryou twitched in unison and looked around, paranoia on full alert.

"Why?" Yugi asked, looking up at his counterpart curiously.

"Well, Yugi," Yami explained, "Bakura and Ryou have a lot of very manic fangirls. The image of Bakura untying Ryou would set them off for weeks. And we'd be flooded by gratuitous fanart."

"It takes hours to delete," Bakura said grimly, gnawing at the tight knots, daring the fangirls to scream.

"Well it's all in good fun, I suppose," Ryou interjected. "I mean, they can't seriously think he and I would be … well…" Ryou blushed and smiled. Bakura gave him a flat look then went back to the knots. They gave way suddenly and Ryou fell on top of Bakura, blushing. There was a shaking in the Force as hundreds of fangirls all squealed. A moment later the 4Kids server exploded from inbox overload.

"Oh look what you've done," Mokuba scowled. Everyone stared at him and Seto looked like he was going to have an aneurysm from rage.

"_I'm_ the angsty Kaiba brother! Give that expression back to me!"

"Shut up, Seto," Mokuba tossed up at his brother uncaringly.

Seto sat down heavily, shock all over his face. Mokuba strolled over and patted Seto on the shoulder now they were the same height. Almost. Mokuba still had to reach up.

"Why so douchy, Mokuba?" Yugi asked as the others gathered up the cards from the wall; now their 'dartboard' was gone the game had lost all appeal.

"I think I'm going through puberty."

"I thought that meant you think you're a Pokémon?" Yami muttered, sliding the cards into his holster with a satisfying clicking noise.

"That's first. Then the douchy emo comes through," Seto said, recovering slightly.

Everyone gaped as a horrible thought struck them: if Mokuba went through puberty, _there would be two Setos. _

They all shuddered in synchronised horror.

[meanwhile, thousands of miles away]

"Hey Vegeta. What's that planet called?"

"I believe that pile of spinning rock is called Earth, Nappa," a bored, husky voice replied. "Whether it can be called a planet is debatable. And we _have_ been there before, you know."

"Are there bug aliens there, Vegeta?"

"No, just a couple of apes that learned to walk upright."

"…Let's go visit, Vegeta."

"No, Nappa. We are _not_ going to that bluish marble to see the walking apes again! We're right in the middle of searching for the last DragonBall—"

The spacecraft zoomed off-course as Nappa took over.

"God damn it, Nappa!"

"You can kill innocent people, Vegeta…." Nappa sang.

"…Let's go."

[a few minutes later]

The ceiling of the set exploded suddenly and everyone jumped.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Bakura yelled.

"Hush up you limey fruitcake," Yami called back. "I'm trying to hear the ominous music."

Two figures floated down through the ceiling plaster cloud dust and hovered there. The YuGiOh cast looked up in mingled fear and curiosity. Bakura had the misfortune to be directly beneath one of them and cried out in disgust, rubbing at his eyes as if there was poison in them.

"Hi there," said the taller, bald one. "I'm Nappa and this is Vegeta."

"Oh great, like we needed another midget," Seto said, looking at his brother and Yami and Yugi.

"I'm here to kill you. Any resistance?" The one called Vegeta said, looking at the cast expectantly.

"I don't care," Bakura spat. "Couldn't you at least put some pants on underneath that pointless revealing armour?"

Vegeta grinned smugly and flipped him off.

"Hey Vegeta look! A _Pokémon_!" Nappa said, staring at Yugi. "What type is it?"

"Er… help?" Yugi said, edging towards Yami who ignored him, eyes wide as he stared at Vegeta's gravity-defying hair, just a little jealous.

"It's called Yugipuff," Seto smirked.

"AhmyGawd!" Nappa exclaimed, throwing a hand painted rock at Yugi, who yelped and dodged.

"Who the hell are you people anyway? You look different to the hairless apes outside." Vegeta asked, looking for their power ratings unsuccessfully.

"Oh we're anime characters," Mokuba chipped in helpfully.

"Anime, huh?" Vegeta said thoughtfully. "Got any DragonBalls?"

"I say, that's rather forward," Ryou exclaimed, blushing adorably.

"We've only got decks," Yugi said, cowering slightly behind Yami and Bakura, who were just watching all this unfold with thinly veiled amusement.

"Decks?" Nappa repeated. "And he thinks _we're_ forward, Vegeta."

"You're all lying," Vegeta decided. With that he blasted them, knocking them all unconscious. "Pick them up, Nappa."

"Why, Vegeta? Are we capturing the rare Pokémons?"

Vegeta nosebled slightly from the stupidity.

"What's that, Vegeta? You've got red on you."

"Oh just shut up and pick them up, Nappa!" Vegeta yelled and flew back to the ship.

[on the ship a few minutes later in hammer-space prison cell]

Vegeta pranced happily and sang to himself.

"I've got all the main cast of YuGiOh da de da da There they are all sitting in a cell A tall one, a short one, I must be off my head Give em a card they fangasm hard But Vegeta always wins Haha!"

With that he slammed the cell door shut, waking up the YuGiOh cast from their stunned stupor.

"Why the bloody hell have you kidnapped us?" Bakura snapped.

"I know you have the DragonBall, and I'm going to pull the information out of you like your intestines, bitches."

"Wow. That seems sorta… violent." Yugi said, cowering behind Seto now, who just shrugged him off and stood up awkwardly in the narrow space.

"Hey Veggie or whatever your name is," he said. "Do you have any cells for non-midgets?"

"No," Vegeta scowled. "Now where's the Dragonball? I need it."

"I say, what's a Dragonball?" Ryou asked.

"You can make wishes on them," Mokuba supplied.

"Like I did on the Millennium Puzzle!" Yugi chirped happily. Yami rolled his eyes despairingly.

"What do you need it for?" Seto asked, crouching down unhappily.

"We're gonna be immortal," Nappa said happily. "Isn't that right, Vegeta?"

"We? Oh, yes. _We_."

"I detect epic foreshadowing," Yami whispered in an aside to Bakura, who nodded solemnly.

"I challenge you to a children's card game!" Yugi said, posing overdramatically at Vegeta.

Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "Why would I want to play a children's card game with you? That sounds kinda lame."

"But I challenge you!"

"Yeah and?"

Yugi gaped like a fish out of water.

"Anyway, about this Dragonball—" Vegeta began.

"It's time to duel!" Yugi tried again, getting out his deck. The YuGiOh cast all cleared a space, knowing what sort of over-the-top poses would likely result. Yugi drew his hand and Vegeta looked at him incredulously.

"You're not fucking serious, are you?"

"He is _so_ serious, Vegeta," Nappa chimed in eagerly. "Duel him, go on!"

"No!"

Yugi held up a card. "It's very simple, really—"

He was cut off by the fireball that consumed his card. Vegeta scowled and crossed his arms. "I'm not going to duel you!"

"…My Kuriboh!"

"It was a crap card anyway, Yugi," Yami said reassuringly. "It was about time you cleared up your deck clutter. He won't be missed."

"_I'll_ miss my Kuriboh," Yugi sobbed and sat down in a corner, stroking the charred remains of the card forlornly.

"Hikaris," Bakura muttered. "What can you do?"

Yami spread his hands helplessly and turned to Vegeta. "What do you actually want? You know we don't have your balls."

"…That came out a bit gay," Nappa sniggered. He was ignored.

"You're lying! Of course you have the DragonBall!"

"…Why of course?" Seto asked. "You only met us about half an hour ago."

"Well, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.

"Your evil plan wasn't very well thought out, was it?"

"Shut up!"

"_That's my line, bitch_," Seto glowered. "You will regret ever linestealing from me. I'm gonna open up a can of KaibaCorp brand whoopass. See how you like that."

"Now now, there's no need to get violent, guys," Mokuba said nervously. "I've been kidnapped enough times to know it's really not worth antagonising your kidnapper."

"When have you ever resisted, Moki?" Seto said sadly.

"Well you know me, big brother," Mokuba shrugged.

"Indeed," Seto sighed.

"Hey Vegeta," Nappa said, tugging on Vegeta's elbow.

"WHAT?" Vegeta snarled.

"I think your evil broke."

Vegeta let out a noise of inarticulate frustration and turned to the YuGiOh cast. "I'm going into the Angry Dome and when I get back you guys had better be ready to spill the beans on the whereabouts of that DragonBall or I will use all your intestines as condoms and rape your skulls!"

There was a shocked silence. Yami clapped his hands over Yugi's ears at the last.

"…Linesteal, Vegeta. Badly done." Nappa whispered. Vegeta just screamed in anger and flounced off. Nappa looked at the YuGiOh cast and they looked back from behind the bars.

"Hate your hair, and your hair, and your hair, like your coat, hate your hair…"

"At least we have awesome anime hair, baldie," Bakura said, and the cast simultaneously tossed their hair over their shoulders. Even Seto.

Nappa raised his eyebrows and flounced off after Vegeta. To 'annoy' him.

After a few minutes the screens in the ship all flicked on as the system was overridden.

"What the fuck just happened?" Vegeta stormed in the Angry Dome.

"Hello Binky Boys," said the screen, picture fuzzy and grainy. "Give the YuGiOh cast back."

"Or what? You'll disintegrate the picture further?" Vegeta sneered and Nappa cackled.

"Or I'll get nasty," Melvin threatened, the picture sharpening to reveal his rape-face. Nappa squeaked then coughed in embarrassment at the un-manly noise. Vegeta spared him a disdainful look before answering Melvin.

"I'm so scared, Vein-face."

Melvin smiled coldly. "Right now the only thing stopping me from sending you straight to the ShadowRealm is the state of my colleagues. What have you done to them? And I warn you, their good health is the only thing protecting you."

"You actually care about your fellow cast-members?" Nappa asked, pushing Vegeta aside.

"Well mostly the Pharaoh but yeah the rest of them too."

Nappa sniffled. "That must be nice."

Vegeta pushed Nappa back. "Pansy. They're fine. Now where is the DragonBall?"

In the cell, Bakura and Yami were having a hushed conversation. Eventually Bakura nodded in agreement.

"Hey Veggie! VeggieVeggieVeggie-kins!" he called up to the Angry Dome.

Vegeta went completely white and his eye started twitching in rage. He stormed down to the cell, rage building at the indignity. He had blown the roof off their studio, flamed them, kidnapped them and blasted Yugi's beloved Kuriboh card and still they refused to pay him any respect! It was like having a couple more Nappas haunting him.

"_Mindcrush_!" Yami cried, flinging out his hand dramatically. Vegeta was flung backwards, drooling a little.

"Vegeta! Nooo!" Nappa cried brokenly, rushing down to see to his 'friend'. "What did you do to him?"

"Only stunned him," Yami said, keeping his hand aimed at Vegeta. "Take us back and I won't hurt him any further. Refuse and I can make sure you lose him forever."

Nappa cradled the unconscious Vegeta in his arms, pushing a stray hair out of his face. "Fine. _Fine_. I'll take you back."

Nappa steered the ship until it was back over the studio. "He _will _be fine, won't he?"

"Should be," Bakura shrugged. "Now let us go, you wanker."

They were forcibly ejected from the ship. Via the airlock. From twenty feet in the air.

Luckily their fall was broken by the minor characters. That's all Joey, Serenity, Pegasus, Tea, Shaadii, Rex and Weevil are good for, anyway. Naturally Melvin caught Yami bridal style.

"Turns out you didn't need me to rescue you after all, then," he said in a disappointed voice.

"It was enough to know you tried," Yami said, kissing him lovingly.

At that moment Tristan and Duke walked in, seeing the pile of their friends and the spaceship puttering away through a smoking hole in the ceiling.

"Oh snap. Did we just miss out on an orgy?" Duke asked.


End file.
